Kiss Me, Pinch Me
by Edward's Cupcake
Summary: Jake and Bella have some fun on St. Patrick's Day.


Written for sailtonorway and deadlyxchagrin. A huge thank you to Angel Ren, Megan.T.Cullen, and bellamarieswancullen for their help on this. Enjoy :)

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**Kiss Me, Pinch Me** by Edward's Cupcake

The enticing aroma of blueberry muffins woke me up to a hungry start. My first thought was that Emily was here; she had been spending the last few days at the house, helping me re-decorate the living room. Suddenly, I remembered that she and Sam were in Montana visiting one of Emily's relatives. The only other possible pack member (meaning the only one that could cook) would be Leah, but she will never step foot in the kitchen, unless her life (or her mom) depended on it. 

Realizing that I had absolutely no clue who was in my house making blueberry muffins, I bounded out of bed, only to be met the floor. Officially awake, I stood up and went to the bathroom, to check my appearance. Thankfully, my hair wasn't the usual tangle of knots, and as soon as I was done checking upon the necessities, I slowly started downstairs. 

I tried guessing who would bring Charlie and I muffins, since it obviously wasn't me, and Charlie couldn't cook to save his life. It could possibly be Angela, but why in the world would she bring me muffins? Hitting the last step, I heard some game playing softly on the TV. I cautiously walked over the living room, some part of head wondering if I should I have brought Charlie's crowbar with me 

When I saw the police jacket hanging on the hook by the door, I gasped, surprised that Charlie wasn't at work. I looked at the clock, and my jaw dropped when I saw it was ten in the morning. Suspicion and confusion bubbled within me, knowing that it was a Wednesday and Charlie had to be at the station. 

I rounded the corner and saw Charlie lounging on one of the couches, muffin in hand. He was watching some game, and stuffing those oh-so tempting blueberry-goodness' into his mouth. I couldn't see any signs proving to me that they were store-bought muffins. There was, however, no signs of baking in the kitchen, either. That is, unless Charlie cleaned it up after he was done, but he isn't known for keeping the kitchen in such mint condition. Giving up _trying_ to guess, I walked over to the couch.

When I stepped on the creaky floorboard, Charlie looked up, finally aware of my presence. "Hey, kiddo! Guess what? We've got muffins! Want one?" asked Charlie, bearing a toothy smile. It was the same one that won Renee's heart when she was eighteen. I smiled back and reached over him to grab a muffin. Hesitantly, I bit it, still curious on who baked it. Surprisingly, it tasted delicious! It was warm and buttery, and the blueberries were so sweet! I sat down, and patiently waited for Charlie to tell me that he bought the muffins and already threw the box away. 

After a few minutes of silence and chewing, impatience got the best of me, and I asked, "Um, dad, where did you get these?" 

Charlie's looked taken back, and he put a hand to his heart. "Bells, what is this? Don't you think your dad can bake a simple batch of muffins? I survived years before you came; I was bound to learn something!" he replied in mock solemnity. I rolled my eyes and raised

my brow as if questioning his godly cooking skills. He laughed, and all traces of sarcasm disappeared from his face.

"Okay, okay. At the station, today, we're doing the annual "Green from Work" day. Do you remember? We did it once when you were here, but I highly doubt that you remember. You were so young..." he trailed off, still not answering my question. Seriously, how hard could it be? A simple "from the store" or "baked these goodies" would do it. Ugh. I stared at Charlie, until he dropped out of his reverie.

"Anyway, it's to get the lazy rookies to do some more work and stop being so uptight. Everyone wears green, so you don't you have to work. Those newbies are so much stricter than we are and always come in dressed to the T without any green. Works for me! No work, tons of fishing, and sports galore - you gotta love life!" Charlie closed his eyes, happily floating in his love boat. When he fell out of his cloud, he caught my pointed stare. 

He coughed and continued, "Er, right. So, Deputy Ryan's wife, Kathleen. You remember her? She was the one that had the baby last year." I shook my head, ready to pull my hair out. Only Charlie would get off-topic so many times in five minutes. 

Sensing my frustration, he hastily finished "Well, she baked them and gave us each two boxes. I threw the box out, but the muffins are on the kitchen table. There other box is in my car. That one is for Billy and Jacob. I figured you wanted to head over to La Push today, so I'll drop you down there and pick up Billy for the game. Are you ready to go?" 

I glanced down, and cursorily checked myself, making sure I was presentable. Satisfied with my appearance, I nodded and replied, "You're right; I'm coming with you. Shall we leave, now?"

"Excited are we?" He smirked, and strolled out to the cruiser. I stalked out after him, angry. With me, it was all fun and games.

I carefully walked down the steps, watching at my feet. Suddenly, I slammed into Charlie. "What – why did you stop?" He looked so nervous that it startled me. What was so bad about going to Jacob's house the entire day? I usually spent the day with him alone, anyway. Jake – oh my. This could _not_be happening! Especially outside in broad daylight! Crap. Crap. Crap.

"Charlie, _please_, tell me you're not giving me the birds and bees conversation!" By now, I must be scarlet, because Charlie's face was in flames.

"No – I think you're fine – no! I mean, you're ready... wait... you don't need to... I think he can... Wait! I think he – I mean you! - should drive in your truck, because Billy and I might be home really late, so if you want to leave early or something..."

I was more than happy to avoid _that_ conversation in the car, so I mumbled an agreement and ran inside for my keys. When I came back outside, I saw that Charlie and his beloved cruiser were already gone. 

Trudging to my lovely red truck, I sighed and opened the door. Shifting it into drive, I started heading down to La Push. Within a few minutes, I pulled up behind the cruiser.

Charlie and Jake were both trying to help Billy get into the front seat, but at the sound of my engine, Jacob promptly left his father's side to come and give me a kiss.

"Hello, beautiful. I have something for you..." he whispered against my lips. Intrigued, I leaned towards him.

"Yes?" I breathed. He was tracing circles on my back that were giving me goose bumps.

"I think you might have to come a little closer." He slipped his hand under my shirt and pulled me even closer. He traced my lips with his, and blew his sweet, familiar breath in my face.

Unable to make out what he was saying, I mumbled, "This... good... enough?"

Gripping my hips, he pulled my face towards his and kissed me inexorably. He was teasing me, and someone help me if I wasn't going to do something about it. Lifting my arms around his neck, I gently pulled on his hair, while softly grinding my hips into his. When he moaned quietly, I smiled, only to be pulled closer.

"So that's how you want to play... Do you know what day it is?" he asked sweetly. Confusion swept over me, and I tried to pull back, but he held his hand behind my head.

"Um, no? I mean, I know it's Wednesday..." I racked my brain trying to remember if today was a birthday or something equally important. Coming up with nothing, I shook my head. He laughed, which startled me even more.

"Today is St. Patrick's day, and you are not wearing any green. Unless this lack of green is from the loss of clothes, which I don't mind, you wouldn't have a problem. But, since it isn't, I am obliged to pinch you." He looked so solemn when he said this that my eyes widened in amazement.

"Jacob Black! Have you gone _insane?_ I am not _stripping!"_ Disbelief rolled over me in waves. He looked me in the eyes, shrugged, and promptly pinched my hip. 

"Ahhh! What was that for!"

"Um, Bella? Is everything ok here?" Charlie looked at me cautiously, as if I was going to attack him any second. 

"Well, it was fine, until Jake -"

"Charlie, don't worry about it. I was just telling Bella that unless she wears another jacket since it's so cold outside, I'm going to watch the International Chess match." I looked at him in disbelief. Was he _kidding _me? 

Charlie, on the other hand smiled, and said, "Good idea, Jake! Don't even talk to her." After seeing my shocked expression, he added, "Bells, Jacob's right. You don't want to get sick, do you?" Not waiting for my answer, he turned to the devilishly handsome liar who was standing next to me.

"Awesome idea, Charlie." They both put their hands out for a fist punch.

What? When did this manly bonding take place? And, what the _hell_ just happened?

Oh, that's right; _Jacob Black doesn't pinch and tell._

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I hope you all enjoyed it! Reviews and criticism are _always_ welcome!

--Edward's Cupcake


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